Friends round for curry...or are they?

A great evening last night at our regular Curry Club as we ate and chatted. I asked for my Pakistani friends to explain and tell me what they thought of something a Kurdish friend had told me the night before:

"More friends, more stress".

The idea being that you are expected to do anything for a friend. They own you, almost! They need money you will give it. They make a n agreement with someone without consulting you, ON YOUR BEHALF (even for the marrying off of your daughter!) then you comply. Of course you do. You are their friend.

What ensued was a wonderfully challenging and fascinating hour or so of insights into friendship and how it is seen in Punjabi culture. It really got me thinking. It made me question if I can ever really be a 'fast friend' of a Pakistani (in their eyes) such is the expectation of utter commitment and personal sacrifice. Is this my guarded western-ness? I think a lot of it is. We have diluted and minimised friendship to the extent that we treat it casually. I think I have.

All kinds of beautiful glimpses of Pakistani thinking and cultural practice came out as we laughed and talked. Such as Punjabis exchanging turbans with closest friends. Once they exchange turbans they become friends for life and forge a permanent relationship. They take a solemn pledge to share their joys and sorrows under all circumstances. Exchanging turbans is a glue that can bind two individuals or families together for generations. Reminscient of David and Jonathan, I thought.

But also, there came the questions of when a friend betrays you or simply disappoints you. What happens then? Someone who has been this bosom friend can become your enemy. "That's it!" said one of the men there, gesturing strongly that such a situation meant it was all over. "Khalas!"

I have witnessed this many times as friends idolise friends and then become disenchanted and break off. No forgiveness. I think this is a key thing in that friendship is often a deeply selfish thing (in any culture). The thinking is so often: "It serves me and my needs and must meet my expectations". This is a recipe for disaster.

What did it mean that Jesus was the friend of sinners? Yes he made the ultimate sacrifice for them, but how did it play out in everyday life? His was in an Eastern context after all.

I am trying to think biblically what it means to be a friend. I am finding it hard. Maybe you have some insights into the Word on it or some comments about Western thinking and friendship.

Drop me a line.